Thursday, October 24, 2013

Goodbye Rowing, Because of You I Grew

Crew Knit Jumper c/o | Choies
Asymmetrical Skirt | Element Style Boutique
Double Wide(woo hoo!) Military Boots | Marisota

Rowing-something I really found a place as a part of.  I learned to appreciate my body again.  I learned that I can be proud of something I can do for myself. I learned what it's like to be part of a team.  I felt like I accomplished something that appreciated me back.  But maybe I integrated it as a part of my world too quickly...again.

So what happened recently is this:  I was told that I was going to be able to join my university's rowing team (intense, right).  I put my heart into it and worked my hardest for many weeks.  No, I did not get to compete (even though I would have, had NCAA not been against my resume in the context of a student athlete), so I suppose I was never really part of  "the official team."  You see, I made the decision at the end of last year that

"This was something I was going to do for myself,
not for others, not for my resume
or my career, but for myself."  

I was looking forward to this as a defining part of my senior year of college, and as a part of taking care of myself and learning to find more value in myself instead of what I accomplish in the public eye.  I guess I thought about this in a too perfect sense.  So many times I get caught up in caring for others or doing different academic activities that I feel like I loose my sense of self-value that God gave me, not in what I do, but the being I am. Anyways, I decided that I would commit physically and emotionally to joining this team.  To make a long and frustrating story short...

If you are someone who is a full-heart, dung hoe, give it your all type person, (I hate to say this) but if a process does not seem to be flowing correctly, there are times when you have to divorce yourself from that thing that you made a piece of you (jez, it's like the Truman loss).  I dislike this because I presently try to focus on the positives and moving forward with every moment.  If only I was better informed I wouldn't have cried as much or invested my all into this!  It's like almost the same thing as last year and rowing, it's nearly pathetically comical.  The rowing I was doing did impact me wholly so I will take the benefits I have received from this and keep walking forward.

Done crying about this.  First world problems.  The end.

Still looking forward to living life,

Listen: Close your eyes, lie down, and feel the gravity dissipate.

P.S.  Thank you Coach for helping grow me as a person through rowing.  Thank you Brandi for your efforts.

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  1. You look fantastic dear! ;)

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